Only after the child is born will the couple see some personality traits that have not appeared in the past, which is something you find difficult to find in the two-person world. Researchers have been studying how children affect marriage, and the results are conclusive, and the relationship between spouses will be affected after the child is born.

If I come back again, I will love myself first

Becky Vieira is a writer, and she wrote a book "It's over!" About Baby's Things (reprinted), it mentioned that she was originally a mother who was looking forward to the birth of her child, but one year after the birth of the child, she suffered from depression and decided to share some cool and honest experiences.

In addition to this book, she also wrote an article a few days ago, which shocked people as soon as they opened it. She said, "I want to divorce." Less than a year after the birth of her son, she described her husband as having transformed from a person she loved to someone she disliked the most, and she said, "I can hardly remember what I liked him in the first place." Here are some articles:

Our son was just born, and our relationship immediately began to be distant. My husband decided to leave me and the kids in the hospital so he could go home and take a nap.

He went for a nap. I was in the hospital, my abdomen was just cut open, and a baby was in trouble to absorb nutrients from my body. Does he want to take a nap? He is really so frustrated. He must be very tired when he sees me giving birth and breastfeeding!

When we got home, the situation became worse. Like most couples, we have serious sleep. We were very scared and could only do whatever we could, but we kept doubting what we did. Our old life patterns have almost completely disappeared, and all we do is take care of our children and just go by.

My method is to swallow your voice and focus on what you should do in front of you - to take care of a hungry and often screaming baby. However, my husband has no way to face this situation well. He was irritable and didn't say much, and these trivial things seemed to make him feel bad.

We often argue, and it is not a small-scale dispute. Every time the differences are serious, this makes us scream at each other, speak indescribable words, and also makes us quarrel so much that we sleep in separate rooms. What makes people even more crazy is that these disputes are often not for some major matters, but just simple things like who wants to take the diapers and smear them.

At that time, we didn't know that no matter how long our companions were together, even if there were few conflicts or differences before: Once we became parents, everything would change.

I was busy taking care of a newborn and had to spare time to correct the troubles that my husband made me worried, which led to me becoming more tired and painful, and I felt that I was being hollowed out. I gradually think that I should take into account my children and myself first, and that anything that will distract me from me should be temporarily excluded.

If I could do it again, I would tell my husband how to divide the labor from the beginning, and I would be more selfish. Although my husband is also very important, I just had to give birth to my baby and still had to breastfeed, so I'm more important.

The selfish mother will be the happier mother

Beqi wrote these reflections she had caused by her pain in life. She believed that mothers should have become selfish, if it was not for herself, at least for the children. Selfish mothers are happier mothers, and our babies will also benefit from having a happy and healthy mother.

How to have children affect marriage

In fact, couples will only see some personality traits that have not appeared in the past after the child is born, which is something you find difficult to find in the two-person world. In his book, Matthew D. Johnson, Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage.) mentioned: "For about thirty years, researchers have been studying how children affect marriage. The results are conclusive. After the child is born, the relationship between spouses will be affected."

Some people found that a partner who performed well in love was not a good father, who was too concerned about his children as much as he did, or he was not patient with his children. Many people want to have children, but they cannot bear the hardships that care for children. Instead of raising children, they are better off saying that they want to "play" with children. Once a child has trouble, they will subconsciously give them to their partner.

There are also many people who are limited by the existing concept of gender and gender, and believe that many things are of course because women are good at long-term, and even think that they are happy in it.

There are constant quarrels over the hard work of nurturing. Even if the child grows up, when his love is worn out, can he really find it back? This is worth thinking about by every new dad.